What Happened to You?
I felt this book was a gift for me as ‘What Happened to You’ by Oprah Winfrey and Dr Bruce Perry explains everything I am working on now, in simple language. When I read it, I thought, “Oprah and Bruce know what I’m doing”. I wish you hours of joy …..
The Body Keeps the Score - Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma
I found this book in February 2020. Bessel van der Kalk puts into writing everything I had been witnessing for 25+ years but could not explain. How medicine helps control feelings but the real issues never seem to be addressed as we didn’t know how to listen or address the pain people were going through.
The Three Planet Model: Towards an understanding of contradictions in Approaches to Women and Children’s Safety in Contexts of Domestic Violence
This article explains the tensions and contradictions within the criminal justice system and social care system and how they impact outcomes for families experiencing domestic violence.
Coercive Control - How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life
This book appeared in 2007 and addressed issues I was dealing with but didn’t have words for - ‘Coercive Control’. Stark’s definition of Coercive Control and his ‘Birdcage’ analogy provided a platform to explain the unexplainable, and provide a voice to the voiceless.
Snakes in Suits - When Psychopaths go to Work
My search to understand the abusive partner led me to ‘Snakes in Suits’. I learnt that these personalities are everywhere, in school, at college, at work and in intimate relationships.
History and Memories of the Domestic Violence Movement - We've come further than you think
A book charting the journey of Domestic Violence. It shares the Trials and Tribulations and notes, 'We've come further than you think'. Launched on 1st October where I had the privilege to be a part of such a splendid piece of work. Highly recommended.
How every child can thrive by 5
The best gift I could find to give to all parents with children under 5, especially those who’ve experienced abuse, is Molly Wrights’s: Thrive by Five. She says it's as simple as “peek-a-boo”.
What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness
Learn what makes people really happy. Harvard's 75 year study on human development teaches us the importance of relationships and the quality of those relationships. Fame and fortune aren't what make us healthy and happy. Take a moment and find our for yourselves.
How I work to protect women from Honour Killings
Khalida Brohi shows us how she works in Pakistan despite the tribal and obvious male dominance. What she touches on beautifully is how women are earning money in Pakistan using their skills.
Dare to Educate Afghan Girls
Watch how Shabana Basij-Rasikh dares to educate Aghan girls.
The Call to Courage
This is invaluable; it challenges you to challenge yourself. As Brene Brown talks about what courage is, she also recognises the importance of the MeToo and Black Lives Matter movements. I love the way she says to all those who say, “I’m not comfortable with this”...
A Call to Men
Tony Porter talks about the 'Man Box' and what men are taught. He takes us on a personal journey of learning about men and women and ends with.... 'My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman'. Sounds like poetry in motion to me.
Why I believe the mistreatment of women is number one...
Former President Carter recognises the number one human rights abuse is against women and girls. He goes on to say that men have misinterpreted the holy scriptures to keep women relegated to a secondary position. Take a look for yourselves.
Violence against women - it’s a men’s issue
Jackson Katz recognises gendered violence and argues that these are men’s issues. Watch the way he shows us how men get taken out of the equation because of how we use words. There is power in language.
Why Gender Equality is good for everyone - men included
Michael Kimmel presents a complex topic with such ease and hilarity! He is able to bring issues such as race to the viewer effortlessly, see if you agree.
A Girl in the River - The price of forgiveness (2015)
An award winning documentary about honour based killings in Pakistan. Sharmeen Obaid-Chinnoy received an oscar in 2016 for this body of work which follows the story of a girls fight for justice, what she endured and how she survived.
Banaz - A Love Story
An Emmy (2013) & Peabody (2013) Award winning documentary detailing what happened to Banaz, a young girl who had gone to the police in England, knowing her life was at risk. It bought to light the lack of knowledge in dealing with honour based issues in 2006. Awards received: British Royal Society Television Awards (2013) - best documentary, Current Affairs.
Cairo 678 / 2010
This film sheds light on sexual harassment in Egypt. It follows the lives of three women from differing social classes while they deal with injustice and violence. It received an award in 2010 at the Dubai International Film Festival.
***TRIGGER WARNING*** This video was made in London, England. It shows how a mother and her son experience domestic abuse and how the father/'abuser' silences his child. You get a glimpse into why the child cannot say anything and how with the skills of his teacher, he may now be able to speak to someone.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
If we can meet the basic needs of people, we can begin working on their deeper needs. If the basic needs aren’t met, people are in a constant state of angst so little work can be accomplished. The following model is accessible from SimplyPsychology.org.
Power and Control Wheel
The power and control wheel shows the different types of abusive behaviours that occur in domestic violence relationships. Each section encompasses specific behaviours. Remember that some behaviours will cross over into more than one category.
The Equality Wheel shows what a healthy relationship would look like. People who have experienced abuse often are unable to identify healthy relationships as they have learnt to change their behaviour to suit the abuser.
Muslim Power and Control Wheel
Dr Shareefa AlKhateeb adapted the Duluth Power and Control Wheel for Muslims using religious behaviours to define how domestic violence presented itself in Muslim families.
Abuse of Children
This wheel shows ways in which children are abused through domestic violence and breaks down which category the abuse falls under. Please know that some of the abuses will fall under more than one category.
This wheel shows how you can nurture your child. It may seem difficult at the beginning, but if you are consistent, you will see the changes whether it is your own child or a child you are working with.
Childrens Wheels - How Violence Affects Children
This wheel shows how domestic violence affects children and breaks it down into various categories for you to understand exactly how it may impact a child.
Trauma Recovery Model
Toward the right side of this model you see the underlying needs that require attention. Inside the triangle you can see how trauma presents itself - you can see the chaos and complexity in managing trauma. On the left side you can see the layers of intervention required to manage the presenting behaviour. It is a complex maze but it can be worked through - being Trauma Informed is ONLY the first step but it's a big step.